I can't make it to work, a dog ate my minivan.

<--- The yummy minivan. :)







FOLEY, Ala. (WALA) - There’s no doubt about it, Adam and Emily Morck's van is in need of repair - the bumper was ripped off and the van is riddled with bites and claw marks.
But hopefully the insurance adjuster won't doubt the story.
"File a comprehensive claim and let 'em know that the dog ate our van!" Adam Morck said.
"Guess we will be on one of those insurance commercials," Adam’s wife Emily added.
Recently, the couple was packing up for a fishing trip when Emily found something out of place.
"I saw the Dodge symbol [lying on the ground] and then turned and looked and saw the carnage,” said Adam.
The couple called 911 and feared the worst.
"We thought maybe a disgruntled former employee of mine might've done something crazy," Adam said.
Investigators surveyed the damage - the ripped off bumper, the blood, the dents, the bites and the claw marks and came to a conclusion.
"[The investigator] looked up like a deer caught in the headlights and said, 'Guys, I think a dog did this,'" Adam said.

More HERE

Aids Ridden Maid Puts Menstrual Blood Into Toddlers Food

Masvingo(ZimEye)A maid has been found guilty of willful transmission of HIV after her fresh blood was found in the porridge she was feeding a child she was taking care of.
Pelagia Mureya(17) of Choto village in Chief Magonde`s area, Chinhoyi, left court attendants numb after she was found guilty of mixing her blood with the pre-school going child’s porridge.
Gutu magistrate Vhitorini Nyasha sentenced Pelagia Mureya to 12 months in prison for willful transmission of HIV. Two months were suspended on condition the accused does not commit a similar offence a similar offence in the next three years.
A court attendant who listened to the ordeal vomited as she could not withstand the crude ordeal.
The court heard that on February 13 2012, the accused prepared porridge for the child who was going to crèche. After preparing the porridge Pelagia then fed the child. As the child ate the mother then noticed a drop of blood in the porridge and ordered her child to stop eating. She asked the maid where the blood came from but she professed ignorance. The mother took the porridge, the victim and the accused to Gutu Rural Hospital where it was confirmed that the blood belonged to Pelagia and that she was HIV positive.

Much more HERE

Petco Worker Cuts Off Dogs Ear Then Glues It Back On To "Hide" The Damage

A Hawaii pet store's groomers cut off a dog's ear and tried to cover it up by gluing the ear back on, a lawsuit claims. Careless groomers at the same store also allegedly snipped the tip of another dog's tail.
The painful trims allegedly occurred at a Petco store in Kaneohe, on the island of Oahu, Honolulu's KGMB-TV reports. Two dog owners are suing the store for negligence and emotional distress.
The plaintiffs have a big dog, legally speaking, in their corner: Michael Green, a prominent criminal-defense lawyer known for his colorful courtroom attire, is representing both dog owners.
One of them just happens to be Green's wife.

"My dog -- they offered another free grooming," Michael Green told KGMB about Petco's response to his dog's disfigured tail. "I guess they wanted to take off other body parts," he quipped.
The other dog owner is also upset. Her dog came back from its Petco grooming with bloody ears, Gladys Kapuwai told KMGB. "When I took her to the vet, the doctor told me it looked like they tried to glue it back," Kapuwai said.

 Petco declined to comment on the ear- and tail-cutting lawsuit. In addition to pursuing money damages, Kapuwai says she hopes Petco will better train its groomers so the dog-trimming mistakes don't happen again.

Go to the source for much MORE

Man Has Heart Attack While Eating At Heart Attack Grill

<--- Apparently it does the job!
(click picture for larger version)







Millions of Americans watch what they eat. But one Las Vegas man has painfully discovered that where you eat can have a big impact on your health as well. In a story almost too bizarre to be true, a man suffered a heart attack after eating a "triple bypass burger" at the Heart Attack Grill in downtown Las Vegas, local affiliate Fox5 reports.
As comically tragic as that may sound, no one can sue the restaurant for not issuing fair warning. Its website proudly proclaims the menu offers, "Taste Worth Dying For!" (Fortunately, the man in question survived his attack.)
Still, it was the first actual known cardiac incident at the Heart Attack Grill. "He was having the sweats and shaking," "Nurse" Bridgett, who was working at the restaurant at the time of the incident, told Fox5. (Employees at the restaurant are given fake medical titles, including the establishment's owner, "Doctor" Jon Basso.)
"I actually felt horrible for the gentleman because the tourists were taking photos of him as if it were some type of stunt. Even with our own morbid sense of humor, we would never pull a stunt like that," Bosso told Fox5. "He was sweating, suffering. Anyone with an ounce of compassion would've felt for him."
Basso said the man's name is being kept private but that he is recovering from the heart attack.
Of course, you can't blame patrons for being caught up in the overwhelming sense of irony. Not only is the restaurant named the Heart Attack Grill, but its sign tells prospective diners that anyone "over 350 pounds eats free." There's even a tongue-in-cheek warning sign at the restaurant's door stating that the offered dining fare is a health risk.

Source and more HERE

Walmart Madness Number 9! Deputy Pulls Gun On Pregnant Lady

The Kendall County Sheriff's Department has launched an internal investigation into an alleged incident involving an off-duty deputy pulling a gun on a pregnant woman in a Walmart express lane.

Just one week from her due date, Nicole Thurmond said she feared for her life while checking out at a Walmart store in Oswego on a recent Sunday.

"I felt someone close behind me. He started being really rude and said, 'Don't you know how to count? You are holding up the whole store," Thurmond recalled.

Thurmond said she didn't know it at the time, but the man in plain clothes was off-duty deputy Craig French.

Thurmond's husband had been getting eggs at the time and said he could see his wife was upset when he returned to the checkout area.

"There was a guy in her face, yelling at her," said Jason Thurmond. "In an aggressive manner he steps toward me, and I just push him back to keep him away from my wife and myself, and before I knew it I just froze because he pulled out a gun."

Jason Thurmond said the man didn't show his badge, was "waving a gun in a store," and at one point asked them if they were on welfare.

"At one point I turned by back to him, because I was afraid if it did go off, at least it hits my backside and not in the front where my baby is," said Nicole Thurmond.

The couple said that only after he waved the gun did the man identify himself as a sheriff's deputy.

Jason Thurmond was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery for the shove he admits he gave the deputy. The Thurmonds have since filed a formal complaint with the department.

"I'm a big believer in karma. Someday he'll be the one who can't move very fast. He'll see," said the expectant mother.

The Kendall County Sheriff's Department said in a statement the incident is under an internal investigation to determine if the deputy’s actions "are consistent with the rules and regulations of the Sheriff’s Office."

The investigation is separate from any criminal investigation by Oswego Police, the department said in a statement.

SOURCE

Horse Kicks Through Hyperbaric Chamber Causing Big Explosion

 
Investigators have figured out what caused a deadly explosion in Marion County killing a veterinary employee and a horse.
A hyperbaric chamber exploded at Kesmarc Equine Rehabilitation Center Friday morning. The facility is located off County Road 326, in Morriston.
Investigators said the horse inside the room, which is filled with pure oxygen under pressure, began kicking with its steel shoes to get out.
The horse managed to kick through the padding of the room to the metal walls.
The metal on metal created a spark that caused a major explosion.
Two employees were running the chamber from outside and couldn't get to an emergency switch in time.
Erica Marshall, 28, was killed. Investigators said she had worked at the facility for about two years.
Sorcha Moneley, 33, survived the blast, but was thrown across the facility in the explosion people heard from miles away.
“Was just working on the farm over there and the whole ground shook -- a big metallic boom. It wasn't dynamite. It was a big metallic boom,” said neighbor Robert Vickers.
The State Fire Marshal’s Office and engineers ruled the building structurally unsound, and horse owners spent the day moving their animals to safety.
Moneley was flown to Shands Hospital in Gainesville where she underwent surgery.
OSHA is on the scene investigating to see if protocol was followed.
Meanwhile, many people are questioning the decision to allow the metal shoes inside.
The horse that was killed in the blast was owned by a woman in Virginia and was wintering at the facility.
He was being treated for EPM, a form of encephalitis.


SOURCE

Father Shoots Daughters Laptop

LOL!

Chainsaw Attack On Pub Caught On Tape

CCTV footage has shown a man storming into a pub in northern England wielding a chainsaw, razing a customer's arm, and obliterating every object in sight after he was told off for smoking inside.

Dean Dinnen, 24, was sentenced to three years jail last week after he pleaded guilty to grievous bodily harm, affray using threatening behaviour, and criminal damage in Hull Crown Court last week, the Daily Mail reports.

Security video shows Dinnen running into The Endyke pub in Hull, northeastern England, and waving the chainsaw in patrons faces last August.

The court heard Dinnen was drunk and on drugs and had come to seek revenge on a man who had thrown him out for lighting a cigarette about 50 minutes earlier.

But bar patrons fought back — arming themselves with pool cues, kegs and bar stools, and hurling them at Dinnen.

Amazingly, Dinnen only injured one person in the chaos, slashing the arm of 32-year-old Adrian Pryor who suffered severed tendons and needed 21 stitches.

Witness Kevin Fletcher told the court he thought he would die when he fell over while trying to flee.

"I ran. I did not look back. I could hear the chainsaw screaming behind me and I got the feeling he was right behind me," he said.

The video shows Dinnen leaving the bar and getting overpowered by patrons before police arrived and he was arrested.

The court heard the man Dinnen had been looking for had actually left the pub before he returned

Model Has 20 Inch Waist

(yuck)

Bottle Rocket Shot From Ass Causes Lawsuit

<-- Me on a Taco Johns night.







An attempted bottle-rocket launch from a drunken frat boy's anus backfired and caused a fellow frat boy to fall off a deck, a lawsuit claims. Louis Helmburg III, a sophomore at Marshall University in Huntington, W.Va., is suing his fraternity and fellow frat brother Travis Hughes for injuries from his fall at a house party in 2011, Courthouse News Service reports. Helmburg's lawsuit makes Hughes sound like, well, an ass. Hughes "decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus," Helmburg's lawsuit states. "But instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum." Talk about "butt-for" causation. The rectal rocket explosion "startled [Helmburg] and caused him to jump back," falling off the frat house's deck, the lawsuit claims. Helmburg "became lodged between the deck and an air-conditioning unit," the suit claims. The deck was about four feet off the ground.

Source and more HERE

Roses are red, violets are blue, lets go to the place that deals with our poo.

It may not smell like a rose but a New York City sewage plant is offering tours for lovers on Valentine's Day.

The tour host and superintendent of the Newtown Creek Wastewater treatment plant in Brooklyn tells the Daily News it'll be a unique date, and one that special someone will never forget.

Jim Pynn says the highlight of the tour will be the plant's giant egg-shaped digesters, which break down the noxious waste into harmless sludge and gas.

Pynn says each Valentine's Day visitor will get a Hershey kiss -- and at least something to talk about.


SOURCE

(Title by Spotted Girl)

Miami, Nations Worst City? Fun In The Sun...

<--- I'm not "goin' to Miami" anytime soon.

Warm sun, white beaches, and million-dollar mansions notwithstanding, Miami has captured the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll. The playground of the rich and famous is home to a crippling housing crisis, one of the highest crime rates in the country, and lengthy daily commutes for workers, all of which have propelled it to the No. 1 position in the Forbes.com list. "Miami has sun and beautiful weather but other things make people miserable. You have this two-tier society: glitzy South Beach attracts celebrities, but the income inequality has skyrocketed in recent years," explained Forbes Senior Editor Kurt Badenhausen. The rankings are based on factors including jobless rates, violent crime, foreclosures, income and property taxes, as well as considerations like weather, commute time and political corruption. Reeling for decades from the decline of the U.S. auto industry, Michigan's troubled duo of Detroit and Flint registered at No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, among the most miserable cities. "Detroit and Flint are struggling," said Badenhausen. "Violent crime is highest in the country in Detroit; housing prices are down 55 percent. Detroit is closing schools and laying off policemen. In recent years they have been demolishing houses to change their city landscapes" West Palm Beach, Florida and Sacramento, California rounded out the top five cities. "We're trying to judge cities where residents have a lot of complaints. It doesn't mean that there aren't terrific things there," he said. And for the haves Miami's charms remain undiminished. "The one percent in Miami is doing fantastic. But for the vast majority, who make less than $75,000 (a year), Miami can be a challenging place," he said. "Forty-seven percent of homeowners sit on underwater mortgages. That's tough."

 Check out the source, and more - HERE!

The Corpse At The Cafe

A Taiwanese man who died while playing video games at an internet cafe appeared to have gone unnoticed by fellow gamers for up to nine hours, police said Friday.

The 23-year-old checked in at the cafe in New Taipei city on Tuesday night and was found dead but still sitting rigidly on a chair with his hands stretched out the following night by a waitress, police said.

The waitress last saw him talking on the phone around noon on Wednesday and his body had apparently been sitting there for up to nine hours without any of the 30 other people in the cafe noticing.

An initial police investigation found he might have died of a cardiac arrest triggered by low temperatures.

SOURCE

Man with shorts on head, not covering face, tries to rob bank.

<--- Don't try it for a quick disguise

. A 43-year-old man was charged Friday with trying to rob First State Bank on Stock Island-- while wearing shorts on his head. The Sheriff's Office says Eli Escalera walked into the Maloney Avenue bank at 12:30 p.m. with the shorts on his head -- not covering his face -- and handed a teller a note that said: "Give me what are 20s and 50s." The teller asked, "What do you want?" and Escalera said "never mind" and walked out. The bank manager called Sheriff's Office Detective Donald Catala and relayed descriptive information to him; Catala spread the word over police radios that the robber was a Hispanic man wearing a blue shirt and dark cargo pants. He has scars on his face. Deputy Matt Dowling was near the bank when that went out over the radio. He looked down the nearby 5th Street and saw a man fitting Escalera's description who was taking off a pair of dark-colored pants. When he saw Dowling, he jumped on his bike and fled. He was caught near 3rd Avenue and 5th Street. The discarded clothing was taken as evidence and a witness to the attempted robbery later identified Escalera as the suspect. It wasn't clear whether police recovered the shorts, and why exactly the suspect had them on his head. The same bank was robbed on Dec. 11; no one's been arrested in that case. It was also robbed on two consecutive days in September 2005 -- by the same man. He was caught after the second robbery, during which he told a teller: "I was here Thursday and wanted to do the same thing today."

SOURCE

Bacon Milkshake! Ooooh!!

So, Jack in the Box created a Bacon Milkshake. Why? Because you secretly want one, that's why. Shame on you. The noted fast food chain, it seems, wanted to create bacon-tinged buzz. This will probably do the trick. It's all part of a new ad campaign that asks: If you like bacon so much, why don't you marry it? SFist called our local Jack to ask more about the porky dessert. When we asked if it had real bacon in it, the store manger explained, "Real bacon? Ugh no. It's just a flavored shake, flavored with syrup, I think."

We haven't been this intrigued since the advent of the Jumbaco.

This isn't the first time a bacon-flavored shake clogged arteries across America. As Eater points out, "Denny's produced a Maple Bacon Sundae for their Baconalia promotion, so it's not unheard of for a chain to add bacon to dessert, although word on the street is the Jack in the Box shake uses bacon-flavored syrup and not actual porky goodness."

Yes, we get that bacon is officially over. However, it's still oh so damn tasty. Alas. Please brace yourselves for a full review of the new Jack in the Box Bacon Shake later today.

Source and more HERE

The Chocolate Peanut Butter Burglar

<--- He got his peanut butter in his chocolate. ;)














-A naked burglar covered in chocolate and peanut butter was arrested early Tuesday after workers found him inside a Kentucky supermarket.
Andrew Toothman, 22, was collared by State Police troopers who responded to a 911 call from the Food World IGA market in the city of Neon (pop. 770). Pictured in the above mug shot, Toothman was charged with burglary, criminal mischief, and indecent exposure.
A court citation filed yesterday notes that Toothman--who was only wearing a pair of black boots--had “peanut butter and chocolate smeared all over person.” Troopers noted that the store’s front door was “busted out,” and that several fire extinguishers had been discharged. Peanut butter and chocolate were also spread on the market's floor and in the manager’s office.
But the most bizarre bit of vandalism, investigators reported, involved NyQuil, the popular cold and flu remedy. “There was nyquil on the floor that spelled out sorry,” according to the February 2 citation.

 Much more on this story can be found here:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/naked-burglar-arrested-129845

Stiff Sentence For Yogurt Semen Injector

<--- The Yogurt Sperm Bandit

The New Mexico supermarket worker who admitted putting his semen in yogurt ingested by a female shopper provided similarly tainted samples to at least four other women, according to prosecutors who have asked a judge to depart from federal guidelines so that the man can be sentenced to a lengthier prison term for his “perverted conduct.” In a motion filed last week in U.S. District Court, Department of Justice lawyers argued that Anthony Garcia would not be adequately punished if a judge followed federal sentencing guidelines. Garcia, 32, has a “low criminal history” score that that puts him in the “same category as first time offenders who have never had a single encounter with law enforcement authorities,” prosecutors reported. Garcia has pleaded guilty to adulterating the yogurt and making false statements to investigators. While facing up to three years in prison on the first count and five years on the second charge, federal guidelines call for him to receive significantly less than the statutory maximums. “Such categorization does not fairly reflect the far more disturbing portrait” of Garcia, prosecutors wrote in their January 25 motion for an “upward departure.” Pictured above, Garcia is scheduled to be sentenced on March 1. In addition to the 29-year-old victim cited in Garcia’s indictment, at least four other women have told police that Garcia offered them suspect yogurt samples at the Sunflower Market in Albuquerque. Three of the women ingested the samples, which prosecutors believe were tainted with Garcia’s semen. One woman said the yogurt “tasted funny” so she did not finish the sample. Another victim reported that the yogurt she ate was “gross.” A third woman reported that the yogurt “did not taste good and wanted to spit it out, but she could not find a trash can to do so.” The fourth woman, who was approached by Garcia last January, told probers that he provided her with a yogurt sample and said she “had to try what was on the spoon first because that’s where the nutrients are.” But the woman declined to taste the sample after noticing that “the substance on the spoon was clear or white and the yogurt was pink.” Referring to the woman referred to in Garcia’s indictment, prosecutors stated that he “tricked his victim into placing his semen into her mouth,” adding that the supermarket worker “wanted to be in a position to witness the victim consume his bodily fluid.” The “upward departure” motion also refers to a series of disturbing incidents in Garcia’s criminal past, including instances in which he exposed himself at a Walmart, flashed a female jogger, and was spotted masturbating in a car. He is also facing a state charge of having criminal sexual contact with a child under age 13.

Much more on this case can be found HERE

FBI Chainsaw Rippers! Ooops, sorry.

Talk about a rude awakening. Early last Thursday morning, a woman in Fitchburg, Mass., discovered that the FBI was sawing through her front door with a chainsaw. Judy Sanchez told local reporters that a team of FBI agents had swarmed her apartment building, broke down her door, and held her at gunpoint for at least 30 minutes while her 3-year-old daughter cried in the background—until they realized they were at the wrong apartment. Police had intended to saw down the door of another apartment on the same floor as part of a drug and weapons raid tied to a gang in the city. The FBI has apologized to Sanchez and is paying for her damaged door.

SOURCE